When hitting that point in my life that going on the way I was, was just to hard, I was sitting in an institution court ordered. I had not volunteered. This man came and talked to me about how he was once sitting where I was. John told me about what lead up to sitting, 10 years earlier, in the same chair I was in. Then telling me what he did upon leaving that institution and putting his life back together. It was the first time in my life that I had hope with a real belief that I could turn my life around. The fight was out of me. I surrendered…
The two of us could not have been more different physically, education, and socially. LOL Below is a caricature of myself done a few weeks ago. I am 5’10”. I have not changed on the outside. I could not find a picture that even comes close to John. So I found the closest red bow tie and the age. The rest you will have to use your imagination. Here is what your imagination needs to put into the picture, he is wearing a suit, 6’3″, clean shaven, and a Crew Cut.
The thought came to me, which was my lives goal. I will not be a puppet!!! 36 years old and I have nothing to show for my life. Yet, my mind is screaming, these people are trying to brainwash you. You know what happens to people that get brainwashed. Yes, I know, they shave their heads and stand at airports and sell roses, or worse yet, they give their life to Jesus and live in a grass shack in Africa or the jungles in Southeast Asia.
It was a terrible battle in my head. Here is my biggest fear in life to be brainwashed. This guy walks into my life, looking like that. No man would willing look like that. LOL He had to be brainwashed. He presents his life in such a way, that i buy into going where he goes, doing what he does.
When I got out of that institution and went back home, I found another man to clear my thoughts with. I knew one thing for sure, if I kept talking to myself, I would lose the battle. I started to say the things that were going through my head out loud. I told the man I found at home, who was also named John, that I thought him and the rest of his friends were trying to brainwash me. He just laughed and said ” your brain needs washing”.
This was a major turning point in my life. I believed what John had said. My progress in the mental diet speeded up. For unlike brainwashing, where you are not a willing participant, I became a willing participant, in washing my brain.
I changed the people I talked to , the places I went, and the things I did and read.